She Remembers
by Narcolover
Summary: Nostalgic EA one shot. Written during the hiatus in the middle of season 4, and inspired by the most recent episode.


Remember

Pairing: Ephram/Amy

Disclaimer: If I owned Everwood, season 4 would have had substance. It hasn't, hence, I don't. Sorry, that was meaner than I meant for it to be.

* * *

She looks at the postcards, and she remembers.

She remembers meeting him for the first time. His purple hair. The way he stood up to the bullies. Her first thought when she saw him, "This guy could make everything right again." She meant about Colin, she'd told herself quickly, but a part of her had always known that she hadn't.

She remembers when Bright wrote that stupid note. The fight. When he had learned that she had a boyfriend. She had known then that he was interested in her. Really interested in her. But she had shoved the tingle up her spine into the compartment of feelings that, she knew, would get quite full. She shoved that thought inside, too.

She remembers telling him about "Grover." His promise to talk to his father about Colin. Her disappointment when he agreed without a fight. Another feeling to be forgotten. The look on his face when the whole town crowded around his father talking to his dead mother. Her heart had broken for him. Wasn't hard enough to lose a parent physically without losing the other one mentally?

She remembers when she had to un-invite him to Kayla's party.

She remembers his talk about homes after he brought the deer back. She wanted to tell him that he was her home, too. But she couldn't. So she closed the door.

She remembers how he was there for her during Colin's surgery. How he was the only one to be there. How he brought her travel-sized everything. Except for Clue. He had claimed that it was because Professor Plum wouldn't look as cool. He hadn't wanted her to be upset, even about little things like that.

She remembers their first kiss, on the field trip. How she had pulled away so fast, for fear of going too far.

She remembers their second kiss, in his bedroom. She initiated it. Then she avoided him. Because, the truth was, she liked him. More than she liked Colin. Did that mean she loved him? Probably. But she needed to be with Colin. So she pushed him away.

She remembers when he told her to go back to Colin. Because Colin needed her. And she fell just a little more in love with him. So she hung onto Colin even tighter.

She remembers Laynie.

She remembers how her heartbroke when he came for the second surgery, but for Andy, not for her.

She remembers how he wanted to be there for her.

She remembers his hurt over being his backup plan.

She remembers letting her feelings in, admitting that she wanted him.

She remembers watching him kiss Madison when she went to tell him. She'd pushed him, and it was too late.

She remembers the dance, the feeling of his arms around her. How he knew that she had, in a way, been "breaking up" with him.

She remembers their fight when they'd been assigned to do a Spanish assignment together.

She remembers how he apologized, and hugged her. How the world seemed to stop for a moment in his arms. How she could forget about Madison, Tommy, and the mess she had made for herself.

She remembers Bright's four dates for prom, forcing them to go together, and his obvious heartbreak. It killed her, being so close to him, and yet so far away. She hated Madison for getting in the way.

She remembers when he played her, and made her admit that she liked him as more than a friend. She'd never truly understood how much that must have hurt him, when she played him.

She remembers the picnic. And the kiss that came with it. And the joy. A kiss had never made her feel that much, even the two times she had kissed him before. It wasn't just the feeling of his lips against hers that felt so wonderful. It was the knowledge that he was hers, and she was his, combined with that feeling.

She remembers when he told her that he loved her. And she reciprocated. Because she loved him. She really did. She had never had a moment like that before, where shewas in the same place as someone, in lovewith them. She had told Colin she loved him, but he hadn't said it back. Colin had told her he loved her, but she hadn't said it back.

She remembers the hurt when he got an STD test. As if she hadn't already known he slept with Madison. Rubbing salt in her open wounds. But then he had been the perfect gentleman about it, giving her that necklace. She knew he wasn't being malicious, just naive andoblivious.And she loved him all the more for it.

She remembers making love to him in her family's old cabin. How he made it special. Perfect. In every single way.

She remembers all the heartbreak. Him going to see Madison's band. The baby. The breakup. How he had left, how he tore her heart up into tiny pieces.

But she knew what it was like to not know who you are, and push away the people you truly love. She'd done it to him, when she defined herself by her love for Colin. She had defined herself by her love for Colin, and when her love for him started creeping in, she had pushed him away. She had nearly lost him. Now he had done the same thing. He had defined himself as a Julliard-bound teenage guy, and when the fact that he was a teenage father crept in, he had pushed her away.

It hurt. A lot. But she understood. She understood better than anyone.

Plus, he still loved her. He'd never stopped loving her. So maybe, just maybe, she could forgive him. Maybe she already had.

She climbed into bed, and let herself dream about him again, clutching the postcards close to her heart.


End file.
